The preliminary findings of ‘Forgotten Grievers: An Exploration of the Grief Experiences of Grandparents’ were presented at ‘The Forum on End of Life in Ireland’ in Dublin recently. It is the first ever all Ireland study into the loss of a grandchild. The second stage of findings is now available.

“The study, which is funded by The Irish Hospice Foundation, is the first of its kind and is of huge significance” commented Ursula Gilrane-McGarry, co-author of the study with Tom O’Grady, who are both lecturers from the Department of Nursing and Health Studies at St. Angela’s College, Sligo, a college of NUI Galway.

“It explores the way in which grandparents grieve the loss of a grandchild.  Given the intensity of pain experienced by bereaved grandparents it is important to develop a greater understanding of their needs and the support they require to help them through their loss” continued Gilrane-McGarry.  “Grandparents are a vital support to parents and families during the loss of a grandchild, but we have found that in supporting their own children to cope with the pain, grandparents often mask their own grief”.

Previous research in this area talks about a ‘double pain’ when losing a grandchild – the grandparents own pain for the loss of their grandchild in addition to watching their own adult son or daughter’s pain.  This new research now points to a ‘cumulative pain’ meaning from five sources. These are ‘the collective pain associated with their previous losses/bereavements’; ‘the pain associated with losing their grandchild’; ‘the pain/emotions associated with observing their own child’s grief’; ‘the pain associated with subsequent observing subsequent negative changes in their adult child’ and finally ‘the pain that is common to all grief’, for example, the emotions of shock, resentment, helplessness and possible regrets.

“Acknowledgement and recognition of grandparents’ pain in losing a grandchild by society is required” said Tom O’Grady.  “Society must recognise that grandparents are also coping with a major loss in their lives and they need support, both emotional and practical.  At the moment there are no dedicated bereavement services for grandparents and given their very specific needs this is a real gap. 

For many of the grandparents who took part in the study, it was the first time that they had openly expressed their own pain for their loss. Interestingly, many of the grandparents derived benefit from been facilitated to tell their story.